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August 5, 2005

"The world was shocked, and I was shocked"

TAHOUA, Niger (DIN) - This quote is from a famous person regarding a current news story. Can you guess which heart-rending event might have elicited this reaction?

a. London bombings
b. Ongoing famine in Niger
c. Civil war in the former Congo
d. Reminiscences of the Hiroshima Atom Bomb
e. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's devastating affair

No prizes for guessing (e). America's sitcom sweetheart Jennifer Aniston, better known to millions of her fans around the world as Rachel on Friends, was in tears recounting her discovery of Brad Pitt's infidelity. And indeed, who can blame her? The rest of the world was in disbelief too.

A distressed Omar Tanajima puffs away the pain


The global impact of this news was amply demonstrated yesterday when this correspondent, while touring the devastated countryside of Niger, came across a starving 75-year old man, Omar Tanajima. A desperate Tanajima lunged at the reporter and cried (via the interpreter), "It's a shame. If the world had paid more attention to it last November when the warning signs first cropped up, this tragedy could have been averted. Jen first noticed last Christmas that Brad was not being himself. He became emotionally unavailable. One night, in late December, she asked him for a back rub and he gave some lame excuse like 'I just got my nails done or something.' That was around the time he was shooting for Mr. and Mrs. Smith. He had come under the spell of that witch Angelina! Jen tried to get the word out but the world would not listen! Everybody was too absorbed in tsunamis and terrorism and peace processes. Thanks to Allah that dreg of a movie only did middling box office. I didn't see it, but my friend Abdul said the second half could've been easily trimmed by about 20 minutes. And that Angelina is not even that pretty. Around here, thirty cows will get you someone much better. She's only worth 10 - five if you take out her lips! I don't have an ounce of strength in me but I will walk all the way to Maradi to protest if that Jolie woman tries to adopt even one starving Nigeri child. Let her get an Ethiopian if she wants!

Poor Jen! Please let her know that the starving hordes across Africa and the world are with her during this time of sorrow. You are American, you can get the message to her, right?

And oh, if you happen to have a crusty, bug-infested loaf of bread, I wouldn't mind having a bite."

This report was contributed by Amar Parikh of Desi International News (DIN).

Posted by Soam Acharya at 8:39 PM

August 4, 2005

Introducing DoPiyaza

DoPiyaza is meat cooked in ghee (clarified butter) with twice the quantity of onions. The naming of this new category on DishumDishum was inspired by a certain sarcastic newspaper. I can only but hope the entries thus filed are twice as good!

Before we begin, let me share with you the origins of the dopiyaza dish. From the Calcutta Cook Book:

The story goes that Mullah Do Piyaza was one of the nine jewels of Akbar's court. He was a gourmet and a gourmand and no mean cook to boot. The dish dopiaza is an example of his culinary ingenuity.

The Mullah's home was open house and by dinnertime the guests were well over the list. To keep the party going, the Mullah would clap his hands from time to time indicating to the kitchen that more onions should be added to the meat curry. And thus did Mullah Do Piyaza accidentally discover that the proportion of double the quantity of onions to meat was quite the best. And so was created the Dopiyaza (Do - 2, piyaza - onions).

Looks like the good Mullah was quite the party animal. For vegetarians, surely tofu or paneer would make a really yummy substitute. Anyway, bon apetit!

Posted by Soam Acharya at 9:23 PM