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August 5, 2005

"The world was shocked, and I was shocked"

TAHOUA, Niger (DIN) - This quote is from a famous person regarding a current news story. Can you guess which heart-rending event might have elicited this reaction?

a. London bombings
b. Ongoing famine in Niger
c. Civil war in the former Congo
d. Reminiscences of the Hiroshima Atom Bomb
e. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's devastating affair

No prizes for guessing (e). America's sitcom sweetheart Jennifer Aniston, better known to millions of her fans around the world as Rachel on Friends, was in tears recounting her discovery of Brad Pitt's infidelity. And indeed, who can blame her? The rest of the world was in disbelief too.

A distressed Omar Tanajima puffs away the pain

OmarTanajima.jpg

The global impact of this news was amply demonstrated yesterday when this correspondent, while touring the devastated countryside of Niger, came across a starving 75-year old man, Omar Tanajima. A desperate Tanajima lunged at the reporter and cried (via the interpreter), "It's a shame. If the world had paid more attention to it last November when the warning signs first cropped up, this tragedy could have been averted. Jen first noticed last Christmas that Brad was not being himself. He became emotionally unavailable. One night, in late December, she asked him for a back rub and he gave some lame excuse like 'I just got my nails done or something.' That was around the time he was shooting for Mr. and Mrs. Smith. He had come under the spell of that witch Angelina! Jen tried to get the word out but the world would not listen! Everybody was too absorbed in tsunamis and terrorism and peace processes. Thanks to Allah that dreg of a movie only did middling box office. I didn't see it, but my friend Abdul said the second half could've been easily trimmed by about 20 minutes. And that Angelina is not even that pretty. Around here, thirty cows will get you someone much better. She's only worth 10 - five if you take out her lips! I don't have an ounce of strength in me but I will walk all the way to Maradi to protest if that Jolie woman tries to adopt even one starving Nigeri child. Let her get an Ethiopian if she wants!

Poor Jen! Please let her know that the starving hordes across Africa and the world are with her during this time of sorrow. You are American, you can get the message to her, right?

And oh, if you happen to have a crusty, bug-infested loaf of bread, I wouldn't mind having a bite."

This report was contributed by Amar Parikh of Desi International News (DIN).

Posted by Soam Acharya at August 5, 2005 8:39 PM